Sunday, March 28, 2010

Hating Windchimes

“A dangling instrument of sonic miasma”? “Dreaded and offensive melodic doodling”? “Evil noise polluters”?

Just some of many complaints on the web about the invasive and spreading menace known as windchimes. Available in all shapes and sizes, these New Age versions of the BoomBox are no less pernicious or obnoxious than their electronic, amplified forebears. (Or than Tony Soprano’s blasting the Rat Pack from massive speakers on his boat -- the beloved Stugots II -- into the beachfront home of an uncooperative neighbor.)

From the cheap, tinny, lamentably mass-produced metal variety to the more quiet bamboo to the almost-silent (but visually loathsome) compact-disc danglers, they seem to be popping up just about everywhere. A quick Google scan reveals that men tend to hate them, women less so. Our petitioner this time is decidedly a man.

He writes: “I hate these f*cking things. They keep me awake. They pollute the area with noise. Who gives anyone the right to decide what others should hear, day and night? Who thinks they sound good anyway? My neighbors across the street just put up some and they are irritating and they are constant. Their sound penetrates my home even when my windows are closed. I HATE them!!!!”

Sing it!

We here at Hate for Hire completely agree with you. They drive us nuts and persist as a grating symbol of utter selfishness. Live in an isolated area where no one else can hear them? Fine, hang ‘em high. But if you live in a neighborhood (like ours) where homes are within earshot of one another, hang those miserable and miserable-making things indoors so you can enjoy them and others (we) won’t have to.

A member of the H4H core team routinely passes a home in his neighborhood whose front porch sports SIX sets of these raucous noisemakers. Wirecutters at the ready some night soon, we don’t care about “the natural flow of chi”…those mothers are coming down!

Officially registered at Hate for Hire, March 28, 2010.


Global Design Dir. said...

Wind chimes are mandated by law in certain communities such as Truro, MA and Carmel, CA. Be glad for small things.

H4Hmeister said...

Ran by the referenced house in my neighborhood today. It now has SEVEN sets of chimes on the small front porch. Are these people nuts or what?

Anonymous said...

Every obnoxious, selfish, disrespectful twat, otherwise known as wind chime owners, should be forced to remove the offending 'instruments' from their gardens and insert them up their ....

Anonymous said...

Four of my neighbors do yard work, blowing, mowing, weed eating, chainsawing trees and such till dark everyday. I'll take the wind chime over that any day.