Tuesday, February 2, 2010

From the Mailbag

The new year has brought a gratifying bounty of heady correspondence from loyal and enthusiastic readers. Here’s a sampling.

Q. What’s the best way to submit hate objects for your consideration?

A. We check our hateforhire@gmail.com mailbox regularly; that’s the best way to reach us with requests.

Q. Do I have to actually name the person I'd like you to hate for me? I don't really want my boss’s name emblazoned across your website.

A. “Emblazoned”? A pretty feisty word for someone who recoils from naming names. Relax. No need to mention anyone by name. A description of the person, perhaps an imaginative alias, and your reasons…that’s enough to get us started.

Q. Does the person have to be a celebrity like Chevy Chase?

A. A face-making crybaby has-been does not qualify as a celebrity. Check Wikipedia if you don’t believe us. That said, we welcome everyone to our rich and growing roster here at Hate for Hire. Someone deserve your enmity? We’re there.

Q. Would you hate a thing for me rather than a person?

A. We think the answer is “Of course.” But in this business, specificity is key. So, “organized religion”: Poor. “Catholicism”: OK. “Roman Catholicism”: Better. “The Pope”: Bingo!

Similarly, one petitioner asked us to hate “carbohydrates.” Our evidence (admittedly anecdotal) indicates that most people who hate carbs one day are hot-footin’ it to the snackies aisle the very next. With all due respect, may we direct your request to the Love/Hate for Hire team down the hall?

Q. We hate business-speak and similar phony language used by corporate moron parrots. Would you please hate this for us?

A. You bet. Any favorites to get the team cookin’?

Q. How come you took two whole months between blog entries?

A. Be nice. It’s been very cold here in our New England offices, making typing a bit more difficult than usual. We resolve to be much more timely in postings for 2010.

To show our good faith, here’s a preview: Gwyneth Paltrow better watch her step if she knows what’s good for her.

Haters, on your mark!

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