Monday, February 22, 2010

Hate: A Philosophical Approach....Four Quickies

Can you hate someone on sight? And is that really hate? And where do you draw the fine line between hate and irritation? These are some of the dizzying questions raised by recent submissions here at Hate for Hire. And, golly, for once we don’t have all the answers. So, we look to the experts.

Aristotle viewed hate as a desire for the annihilation of an object that is incurable by time. Descartes thought it was an awareness that something is bad combined with an urge to withdraw from it. Freud's take is a little too complex and guilt-riddled for our site here. But the Penguin Dictionary of Psychology defines hate as a "deep, enduring, intense emotion expressing animosity, anger, and hostility towards a person, group, or object." We'll buy that. And because hatred is believed to be long-lasting, many psychologists consider it to be more of an attitude or disposition than a temporary emotional state. Got that? OK, now keep it all in mind as you read today's entries below.

“For the moment, I can only suggest Dennis Franz because of his rather distinctively unappealing hairdo.” (A later email from the same camp specifies Franz’s “detto baldish pudding bowl” look. Yes, and thanks for the foto, seen here.) We understand and sympathize. And we’ll gladly take him on. But wouldn’t you agree (as you reference “random gripes and semi-hate situations”) that this hair-based objection lacks the proper degree of seething that true hate inspires? Come on, man, what do you think Descartes would have to say to this! However, as you'll see, you are not alone on the hair/hate front; please read on.

“I hate Olympic snowboarder Shaun White’s hair,” another petitioner complains. Mere annoyance? Or true hate in the Aristotelian sense? Again, we’ll put him (actually it) on our list. But we’re hankering for some real honest-to-goodness loathing. The kind that lends itself to rent garments and blood-lust slayings. Something slightly more Homeric in scope, s’il vous plaĆ®t.

More than one early enthusiast demurred from fingering anyone by name, queasy about “the whole karma thing.” (cf. Freud, supra.) Um, that’s our sole purpose here at Hate for Hire. We take it on so you don’t have to.

Anyone? Anyone?

I guess I could suggest the Kardashians
.” OK, this is something the philosophy department here at H4H would classify as “decaf hate.” Yes, the self-publicized celebutantes and reality (alleged) TV personalities sure are annoying.

The eponymous perfume ad campaign for “Kim Kardashian...the voluptuous new fragrance” speaks for itself. And the obligatory sex-home-video “leak” was even more laughable. (We predict her talent and skills--both of them--could buy her a one-way ticket to a minor role in some James Bond film.) But, again, we don’t sense any elevated pulse or burst blood vessels around this submistion. We want smoke coming out of your ears, preferably accompanied by a spinning bow-tie. Still, we’re charged with taking on your burdens, light or voluptuous as they may be.

Lady Gaga. “Enough already.”


All four of these submissions have been turned over to the JV team here at Hate for Hire. Look for results soon. And meanwhile, let’s hear some real robusta, high-octane, sponge-worthy catcalls, people. (As two of our favorite professional malcontents have recently joined the wireless generation and can check our site now from their mobiles, our hopes are high.)

Dennis Franz (Upgraded to Varsity; see comments below)
Shaun White's hair
Kim Kardashian and family
Lady Gaga:
Officially registered at Hate for Hire (JV), February 22, 2010.


Hate4DennisFranz said...

I suppose if Dennis Franz got a buzz cut, we'd hate that too. So maybe it's Franz we really hate and not the hair. After all, NYPD BLUE viewers were forced to view Franz's ass on network TV in the mid 1990s, when ass-exposure on television crime dramas was deemed edgy and cool. He could have refused to inflict his ass on America, but no, he just went along with whatever the producers wanted him to. That's our Dennis. So wait, maybe it's not Franz's hair or bare ass we actually hate --- it's his ineluctably bad decisions. (We also hate people who use the word "ineluctably" in a sentence. But that's another matter.)

Kiki Kardashian (no relation) said...

May the sister of the newly wireless add that she hates the word eponymous.
Such a self-important ring for a simple The Subject is Me, non?

Hate4DennisFranz said...

Yes, Kiki. Eponymous...ineluctable...if we can begin to hate mere words, we may be on our way to better understanding how to more effectively hate Dennis Franz. I once knew a guy who used the word "sublime" to describe the Gardner Museum. Sure, the place may be measurably sublime, but you don't drop that word in casual conversation unless you're either a clueless poser or Gore Vidal. It's like wearing a NY Yankees baseball cap to a Dunkin Donuts in Billerica (which I may or may not have actually done, depending on who you talk to). But back to Dennis Franz. In 2007, Franz's sister got bonked when a chandelier fell on her. He filed a lawsuit against the contractor, claiming he missed out on a job that would have paid $16 million as the direct result of the emotional distress suffered by him due to the chandelier incident. Can you believe it? Is this something good ole Andy Sipowicz would do? Nope. But that's our pudding-bowl hair flaunting, ass-baring, lawsuiting Dennis.

Hate for Hire said...

Hating individual words. A rich vein awaiting.
Meanwhile, I recently read a novel I liked a great deal, though its two uses of "ineluctable" within 300 pages sounded like a buzzer going off ("author at work") each time.
And a late Latina friend once smiled and described her dish of mango ice cream to me as "sublime," and it sounded just right. Perhaps because I assumed it was a choice plucked from between two languages. And the smile.

Kiki K (still no relation) said...

Speaking of individual words...I have a (hateful) aunt by marriage who ruined the word superb for me forever when she reviewed Jaws with this hapless adjective.

And, a propos the Dennis Franz's sister and the chandelier lawsuit, I relent: Andy Sipowicz would nevair have sunk to this level. Hate him 2, now.

Hate4Franz said...

And so, in summary, whereas Dennis Franz:

1. Favors unattractive pudding bowl haircut
2. Traumatized millions by exposing hairy ass on TV in 1995
3. Pursued ridiculous lawsuit
4. Wears outdated earth tone sports coats in plaids and itchy looking tweeds

I therefore submit he should be elevated from Junior Varsity to Varsity Hate.

Hate for Hire said...

Under consideration by the board. Perhaps "That judge in New York City" should weigh in.

Hate4Franz said...

I also have it on good authority that Franz owns a "Members Only" jacket. What more do you want?

Kiki K (never a relation) said...

Well that sure slams the lid shut on Dennis for this reporter. I bet he even uses Binaca!
T•a•k•e take him down!