Thursday, December 3, 2009

How we began

Years ago, when I was living alone in Rome, I was always happy to see another American on the street. Most of the time I would say hello. And most of the time I would get a nice hello in return, a bit of conversation, a pleasant exchange. But not always.

In 1984, after several months in the Eternal Città, I was strolling near the Spanish Steps and was excited to see another American whom I vaguely recognized. I extended a hearty greeting. I got nothing in return. Worse than nothing, actually, I got snubbed and was sneered at with scorn. It was the alleged comedian Chevy Chase, in Rome to film 'National Lampoon’s European Vacation.' (Seen below with co-stars Beverly D'Angelo and Dana Hill on the set in the Piazza Navona.)

When I returned home to the States, I mentioned this rudeness to a friend, and she volunteered on the spot to hate Chevy Chase for me. In fact, she was happy to do so, volunteering that she often engaged in such activity on behalf of friends. I took her up on it, Chase’s career tanked, I was vindicated. (My friend, now a judge in New York City, only recently felt that enough was enough, stopped her hating, and I’m told the face-making actor is now appearing, after many fallow years, in a mildly popular television series. So there.)

In gratitude, we here at Hate for Hire now offer this service to you. Let us hate others on your behalf. We speak from experience – it’s great to be relieved of the heavy burden of resentment. But it’s also thrilling to know that the malefactors are being dealt with properly. All the satisfaction, none of the responsibility.

As a child, I was often told by my parents, “You don’t hate anybody.” I disagreed then as I do now. Who would you like us to hate? Relatives, neighbors, ex-boyfriends, organized religions, supervisors, you name it. (Just be nice and keep to the lighthearted spirit of the Hate for Hire action team.)

Give us your reasons, then just sit back and let us take over. For free. You will be delighted with the results.

Operators are standing by.

1 comment:

That judge in New York City said...

Dear Hate4:
May I contragulate you on a winning concept, and so artfully done, but I must correct one small misapprehension. Viz a viz Mr. Chase, did I ever say enough is enough?
I should say not! I continue to harbor the original grudge and, what's more, whatever renaissance his career may have enjoyed, I contend he is a crybaby, blaming even his poor, pitiful childhood for his many lapses.

I remain, kind sir, loyal to the end.

(Though I could make a federal case out of it at any moment.)