Sunday, June 27, 2010

Hating Julia Roberts

At long last, the much-anticipated and richly deserved H4H nod to the talent-free Julia Roberts. She’s been on our back burner for some time now, but the upcoming summer release of the film version of Eat Pray Love has kicked her candidacy into high gear.

For those two of you unfamiliar with EPL (aka “Trust-funder whines her way around the world”), it’s a “woman’s book” with high annoyance potential for readers of both sexes. Spooning out pre-digested philosophical “insights,” it has, needless to say, become something of a sensation among a certain needy, self-help-hungry demographic. And though our hearts sank when we heard that Roberts would star in the movie, we weren’t surprised.

Our patient petitioner notes: “Who likes this jerk anyway? She overacts in every movie she’s ever been in. And she always seems quite pleased with herself.”

May we add that she’s a potty-mouth egomaniac, as well? (We began to suspect this when she tried to shush the Oscars’ orchestra as they appropriately tried to stifle her lengthy acceptance speech for Erin Brockovich with, “Hey, this is MY moment.”) One listen to the first 45 seconds of Roberts’ foul “tribute” to Tom Hanks (he’s another one) should pretty much let you in on both the level of her vocabulary and her ability to put together sentences when no script is provided.

Not that a script is much help for this one. In our exhaustive research, we submitted ourselves to watching the venal Eat Pray Love trailer. And people, all we can say is that her “I want to go someplace where I can...marvel at something” (:41) is already the leading contender for all-time vapid delivery of a film line, edging out Tom Cruise’s “You complete me,” the unchallenged title holder up until now.

We’re not big fans of organized religion here at H4H, but even we were irritated when we heard that Roberts’ filming her Eat Pray Love “spiritual enlightenment” segment in India blocked a congregation of Hindus from entering their temple during religious holidays. Didn’t they get the memo that they’d be interfering with HER “moment”?

Julia Roberts, we hate you.

Julia Roberts
Officially registered at Hate for Hire, June 27, 2010.


Anonymous said...

And I suspect she was mean to Lyle, although that's unconfirmed. Still, the suspicion is enough to make me glad to see her in the hot seat. :)

Anonymous said...

Thank you for your intelligent and funny review of "the mouth." I once ran into her and Kiefer Sutherland in our city (while they were filming the mindless 'heart stopping' movie) Kiefer blocked Julia as if I was going to be a crazed fan wanting to hug her. I casually walked by giving them NO attention. They were boring.

thinkerbelle Kadelski said...

And that awful, screaming laugh. Like "I'm soooo cute! I'm HILARIOUS!" Watch her around A-lister men...she's always got her hands on their shoulders or she's hanging on them. Did you see her hanging on George Clooney at the BAFTA? How about how she lured Danny Moder away from a wife and kids? Nice, huh? She even wore a tee shirt that made fun of his former wife's name. They have a picture of her somewhere that I actually hung on my fridge. Just look up "horsey cheeseburger" and you'll find it. Not enough words to describe her many faults.